Hostels > Hotels

Lying here on a nine-pillowed bed in Room 336 of the four-star Marriott Hotel in Liverpool you could guess 90% of the things filling my field of vision. Beside the typical trouser press is the typical full-length mirror, dimly lit to hide the bloated bellies of the guests who’ve enjoyed one too many £15 full-English breakfasts during their stay; or one too few if you’d ask them personally. The TV sit atop an empty chest of drawers, frozen on a welcome screen that offers more pay-per-view options than nights I’m spending here. To my left a couple of solid armchairs surround a tiny-circular table which has just enough space for the empty champagne bucket and room service pamphlet. Above the bed is some obscure watercolour painted by some obscure artist. And who can forget the kettle - the King of the room - almost as essential as the queen-sized bed itself. The brown and white sugar pawns nestle in a basket towards the front of the tray, a variety of flavoured teas and freeze dried coffee playing the remaining regal pieces in this caffeinated game of chess.

What about the bathroom you may ask? But already you know the answer. White tiled walls merge into the white tiled floor, the white plastic bath hidden like a chameleon in the corner. Mini-shampoos full of unrecognisable herbal ingredients guard the sink, whilst a wholesale number of bath towels drape from rails and stiles that simultaneously play lead in heating the place into an unbearable inferno of a sauna.

Take some of the hostels I’ve had the pleasure staying in on the other hand: A hut built entirely from salt in Bolivia; a child-sized wooden bunk on a cattle ranch in Queensland; a hammock in Cusco; a stained mattress on the floor of a Brussels ghetto; and a sleepless all-night party at Miami South Beach. Healthy eight-hour sleeps they did not provide, but each did provide a story or two that I will be telling for the rest of my life. Nothing eventful has happened in this red-brick building since my arrival; discounting a portly businessman making the stereotypical noise complaint to an over-dolled receptionist.

Having experienced both the glitz-and-glamour of four-star hotels whilst travelling with work, and the down-and-out half-star hostels whilst backpacking on the road, regardless of price I would genuinely always choose the later. Hostels create mini-communities; hotels mini-bouts of boredom. Hostels have that lure of the unknown, a myriad of characters from all over the globe eager to trade stories and meet new companions. Enter the swanky bar of the Marriott and everyone immediately covers their face with the latest edition of the Financial Times or hides their head in a large over-priced glass of red wine like you are Medusa with snakes flowing from those afresh baobab-cleansed locks.

The Paradox of Being a Professional Artist

“Before we go any further, you might want to put on some extra clothes. You might want to stock up on some extra B vitamins. Maybe some extra brain cells. If you’re reading this in public, stop until you’re wearing your best good underwear. Even before this, you might want to get on the list somewhere for a donor liver.” (Palahniuk, pp.18).

This is the warning from Chuck Palahniuk as he sucks readers into the pages of the ‘coma diary’ being kept by Misty Willmot, a failed artist whose husband Peter is now living as a perpetual vegetable following an attempted suicide. The book dictates the rise and fall of the couples’ loveless marriage, whilst Misty herself struggles to unravel the meaning behind the nihilistic messages her husband has left behind.

Peter fell in love with Misty’s work when they first met in art school, convincing her that she could be exceptional in her craft if it weren't for the lack of passion for what she produced; caught up in what others were doing and trying to emulate the current ‘trends’. Peter explains to her the paradox of this, helping Misty realise that an artist cannot be successful if they have no sentiment for their work, deluded with the idea that the more hours put into something, the better it will be:

“We want creativity to be a system of cause and effect. Results. Marketable product. We want dedication and discipline to equal recognition and reward. We get on out art school treadmill, our graduate program for a master’s in fine arts, and practice, practice, practice. With all our excellent skills, we have nothing special to document. According to Peter, nothing pisses us off more than when some strung-out drug addict, a lazy bum, or a slobbering pervert creates a masterpiece. As if by accident. Some idiot who’s not afraid to say what they really love.” (Palahniuk, pp.63-64).

Unlike more logical, knowledge based, careers such as engineering or IT, artistic ventures require ample emotion and desire. Yes practice and devotion are necessary, but if that practice and devotion relates to something you can't feel a connection with then it's doomed from the get-go. Whether you are a sculptor,  writer, poet, comedian, painter, or designer, if the subject in question is of meagre interest to you then how can you expect to fuel affection long enough for the project to succeed.

George Orwell spent years living homeless before he made it as a writer; William Boroughs a heroin addict most his adult life. Eckhart Tolle spent 2 years meditating on a park bench; Henry David Thoreau spent 2 years living off the land at Walden Pond. On paper these writers could not be more different, however principally each wrote about what they were passionate about, what they loved. Orwell's parents were shocked and embarrassed to read about his hardships, but he was not afraid to reveal them to the world. Boroughs brought to life the drug underworld like nobody before, and arguably since. Tolle is now regarded as the most spiritually influential person in the world; Thoreau as a major figure in the transcendentalist movement.

The paradox as an artist is that no matter how many bone-crushing hours you spend on a project, if their is no emotion or love behind it then these hours may actually be tallying up against you. Doubt and insecurity will creep into your work and you will constantly be thrown off by external movements. Pick a topic you have passion and love for however, and these hardships will retract to background noise. If you express joy and fervour towards something this will rub off on others. And even if the project doesn't succeed, at least you've gained experience and had fun in the process.

The Adventure Frame: How to Create Instant Rapport With Strangers

Ever found yourself treading ground with new people, talking about the weather or some equally arbitrary topic of conversation?  With no known common ground it is difficult to relate to someone you've just met, especially if that person is an attractive member of the opposite sex you've only just managed to pluck up the courage to approach.

Something I find extremely useful in this type of situation is to create a novel, fictional, scenario for you both to experience together. This not only adds humour and excitement to the conversation but allows both parties to participate as a team, getting to know about each others' personalities without the awkward 'interview mode' questions such as where are you from? or what do you do?

Take the following example which has been transcribed from a conversation I had on the dating website Tinder, running from initiating the chat to closing out her phone number:

Monday

21:02 Crobs:        

Want to join my adventure? We're recruiting a first mate for an expedition down the Amazon and you'd be perfect! 

21:07 Girl:  

Yes I am game! I have all my girl guide badges 

21:15 Crobs:        

Awesome. Ship sets sail tomorrow. Will be good to have some eye candy on board. Do you have the "fend off crocodiles with bare hands" badge? That could particularly come in handy 

21:17 Girl:                

How exciting! Oh I don't know about that! Unfortunately I don't but I have the 'how to become friends with a group of otters' badge and 10 otters vs 1 crocodile is a fair battle so we'd be safe enough 

21:24 Crobs:      

Otters are adorable but I can imagine they've got a vicious streak... they are also very good builders so could help construct camp. Good thinking :) 

21:32 Girl:              

 Is there anything I need to take? I have a canoe but it's become quite unreliable recently. 

22:43 Crobs:        

If it has holes in the bottom I'd leave it at home. Apart from your pretty smile I'd say all you need to bring is an open mind and a love for the unknown... potentially some bug spray as well :P  P.s. 3D Computer Animation sounds like potentially the most interesting degree ever! 

22:48 Girl:                

Yeah probably for the best! We're good to go?! Excited!  Haha it's actually good fun!  What do you do? Apart from being the top explorer in Scotland obviously 

22:51 Crobs:        

We just need to have our pre-expedition briefing. How about over coffee on Wednesday? 

22:58 Girl:                

Can we post-pone to when my flu goes away? I'm a moving disease! 

23:19 Crobs:        

Of course tiger. make sure you get the required vaccinations for the trip then.  What do I do? I write, play the guitar, am a voracious reader, cook, meditate and travel.

23:22 Girl:                

Does this affect our schedule? Wouldn't want to ruin your trip by delaying! A man of many talents it seems! 

23:26 Crobs:        

Ah now I hope you're not under the assumption I'm good at all these things :P It's OK, you're an interesting person, we'll sort something out. 

23:30 Girl:                

I see I see, well how do we move forward if we cannot improve?                 Hahaha so I passed the test?  Sounds like I've just been interviewed and I don't quite have the qualifications but there's just something there and you're like mmm okay let's see what we can do.

23:43 Crobs:        

Very philosophical! Haha damn you realised it was a test :P Well the results are in and you passed with flying colours. If you want to move to the next stage I'll have to get your phone number please. 

23:48 Girl:       

I know the ways of the wise! Wooo failure is never an option! Hahaha you are so smooth, definitely up there with the best lines! Is that a genuine request? Because I'm not sure if it's e-mail they usually deal with or house phone? 

Tuesday 

07:23 Crobs:        

Yes that was an actual request... mobile phone! I know a really quirky bar you would enjoy :) 

07: 57 Girl:                

Haha okay! 075######## :)

You can see that the girl was hooked from the start, the scenario allowing for a fun and playful vibe to be created. Indirectly I was then able to layer in some more sexual tones whilst teasing her slightly to keep interest levels high. Once the 'adventure' had run its course I was then able to go directly for the number with the confidence she would respond. This doesn't solely relate to picking up girls however, despite it being very effective.

Next time you're sitting in a backpackers bar or hostel common area try deploying the adventure frame when meeting fellow travellers, especially if alone. Who doesn't want to be whisked away into an alternate reality where anything is possible? From pledging to form a rural community of hunter-gatherers with cannibalistic tendencies in Papua New Guinea; to planning a trek through the Sahara from Casablanca to Timbuktu in a rickshaw pulled by robotic kites; to reindeer riding across the Arctic Circle wearing superhero costumes and carpet slippers, these creative schemes will suck people into your world. Never again will you be that boring person tucked away in the corner, staring at their smart phone screen. Adopt the adventure frame, take the initiative, and you'll find it scary how easy rapport can be created with complete strangers in such a minimal amount of time.

Voltaire's Satirical Philosophy: Cultivate Your Garden

Voltaire’s seventeenth-century satirical novel: Candide: or, Optimism, follows a young protagonist as he ventures all over the world; disaster after disaster befalling upon him at every turn. From narrowly surviving an earthquake in Portugal; to being chased out of Argentina by the Inquisition; to being fined heavily for petulance in Suriname, the reader can't help but feel for Candide as he desperately tries to be reunited with his beloved lady.

Despite the natural disasters; murders; outbreaks of disease; and robbery he has to endure, however, Candide never fails to maintain his optimism. He has been taught by Pangloss, his tutor, to have the belief that 'all is for the best'. Nothing will bring him down. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, so to speak.

Have you ever wanted to have a mentality like that? I certainly have.

Along the way, Candide meets a host of deprived individuals, each having gone through hardships seemingly much worse than the rest. Rather than being put down by these sob stories, though, Candide refuses to be stuck in the perpetual, ‘why do bad things always happen to me?’ mentality that has now become rife in our modern day society. People love to complain, failing to understand that the world doesn't owe them anything.

Candide accepts that life is tough and unfair. And in doing so, he allows himself to move on. To not become stuck in the past. Here is the most cited passage from the novella:

"'All I know,’ said Candide, ‘is that we must cultivate our garden.’ – ‘You are right,’ said Pangloss, ‘for when man was placed in the garden of Eden, he was put there 'ut operaretur eum', so that he might work: which proves that man was not born for the rest.’ – ‘Let us set to work, for that is the only way to make life bearable.'"

Despite the grief and misfortunes instilled upon them over the years, both characters agree that it is better to have lived a hard-fought life than having never lived fully at all. Life's hardships can be eased through action. A stale and monotonous existence only serves to highlight your problems as you get more and more stuck in your own head.

We've all been through horrible breakups for example. Does sitting around watching TV with a box of Kleenex and a tub of Haagen-Dazs help? No. Only once you pull yourself together and face the world will you meet that next person. You will have learnt from past 'mistakes' and the chances are they will be a lot better suited to you anyway. 'Every cloud has its silver lining', as the cliche goes.

In order to remain optimistic, you must keep moving forward. You must keep making positive decisions. Your head may not want to make those decisions, but your gut will tell you that it's the right thing to do. Gut instinct. This is how you cultivate the garden of your mind; seeding and sowing the thoughts and ideas planted in the brain. And the only way to plant them in your brain is to take action first. Once they are there, tend to these thoughts. Nurture them. Fuel them with positive references. In time, they will blossom spectacularly, and you will be a more optimistic person as a result.

The Pledge and Punishment of Blogging

 "At certain periods it becomes the dearest ambition of a man to keep a faithful record of his performances in a book; and he dashes at this work with an enthusiasm that imposes on him the notion that keeping a journal is the veriest pastime in the world, and the pleasantest. But if he only lives twenty-one days, he will find out that only those rare natures that are made up of pluck, endurance, devotion to duty for duty's sake, and invincible determination, may hope to venture upon so tremendous an enterprise as the keeping of a journal and not sustain a shameful defeat" (Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad page 21).

On the face of is blogging is easy. You jot down a few meaningful words on a topic of interest, press the return key, and BANG! It's out there for the whole world to see. You wait for people to lap up your brilliance; your literary nuggets of wisdom. You wake up the next day and immediately check the page hits, responses ready for all the glowing praise sprinkled over your article like fairy dust from a magic kingdom...

5 views?!?!?! Are you kidding me!

Maybe it's impatience? I'll wait a bit longer you think to yourself, perhaps only log back-in every four hours now! But, lo-and-behold, four hours elapse and the readers still don't flock; it seems like they've migrated for the summer. This blogging malarky is harder than you originally thought. Doubt starts to creep into your brain; questions with no answers. Where are my subscribers? Is anyone even reading this at all? What is the purpose of keeping these digital records anyway?

Every writer experiences this, it's only natural. Logically however what are the chances of an unknown webpage becoming viral overnight among the billions of other sites out there? You'd get better odds on the National Lottery. What you must realise is that those blogs getting thousands of hits per day started out just like yours once; little fish stuggling against the current in a Pacific Ocean of words and thoughts.

In The Innocents Abroad, Mark Twain boards a steamship for a pleasure excursion around Europe and the Holy Land; the ticket paid for by a magazine for whom he satirically chronicles his the incidents and adventures he experiences along the way. After two weeks, Twain encounters a fellow passenger who is also documenting his travels. The youthful boy  expresses delight at the number of journal pages he's managed to fill, even going as far as detailing what he has eaten for every mean on board: "I'm coming along bully! I wrote ten pages in my journal last night - and you know I wrote nine the night before, and twelve the night before that" (Twain, pp. 21). A while later however, when the guests have docked in Paris the boy does not appear so jubilant: "I won't run that journal anymore. it is awful tedious. Do you know - I reckin I'm as much as four thousand pages behind hand... Oh I don't think a journal's any use - do you? They're only a bother aren't they?" (Twain, pp. 22).

This boy has fallen into a pit that has since swallowed a myriad of bloggers. Readers will not come instantly, not even slowly. At first they will trickle in like a leaky faucet. Persistance is a virtue, and combining this this with diligence and a love for writing is how one will eventually make that dripping tap discharge readers faster than the Amazon. It won't be overnight, it may take months and months of continual posting, but it will happen!

As Twain insightfully responds to the boy: "Yes, a journal that is incomplete isn't of much use, but a journal properly kept is worth a thousand dollars, - when you've got it done."